Joshua's story

Originally, this blog was dedicated to Matthew. I felt it was my way to connect to him after he was gone, which is why I called it "Dear Matthew..." When we found out about his brother, I decided to start a separate blog to post about our journey after loss. I felt the need to go back to this blog and just post about both losses since we lost both Matthew and Joshua. Without Matthew, we wouldn't have tried for Joshua. I feel that both their stories reflect each other.

For those who don't know what happened to Joshua. Here's his story:
I remember finding out that I was pregnant after our first month of trying and couldn't be happier. Quickly, Matthew's story reminded me of all the things that can go wrong. So, with each doctor's appointment and ultrasound, I held my breath waiting on bad news. Joshua grew so well, though. The tech said he was perfectly healthy with a beautiful heartbeat. 



Joshua at 15 weeks





I started feeling him move early on, and by 17 weeks, I knew his movements and kicks very well. He always kicked me at lunchtime and throughout the night. My husband, Daniel, felt him move early on, too. At his 17 week 3 day ultrasound, the ultrasound tech measured my cervix at 1.8 cm with funneling, which is below the normal range of 3 to 5. My midwife sent me to the MFM, who measured my cervix at 3.2cm with no funneling. Someone was obviously wrong, so I put myself on bedrest just in case. Plus, the midwife advised that I go on bedrest, also. At the next cervical length check with the MFM at 19 weeks, I measured 2.9cm with funneling. I was told to continue bedrest and started weekly p17 shots. I figured 2.9 wasn't too bad and was very hopeful that we could at least make it to 28 weeks.  Joshua's 20 week ultrasound was great. He wasn't very cooperative, but the ultrasound tech was able to get all his measurements. He had no problems...no cysts...no fluid around his heart...he measured right where he needed to. I was ecstatic.  





Joshua at 20 weeks :)



At 21 weeks, I felt fine...until that evening.  I started bleeding and cramping that night.  It was the same way it started with Matthew, except I wasn't running a fever this time. By the time I got to the hospital, I had no cervix...just a bag. They tried tilting me back in hopes that the bag would go back in and they could perform an emergency cerclage. I couldn't eat or drink anything. I was able to stay that way for Sunday and Monday night, but by Tuesday morning, I started having contractions. I knew he was down low because I couldn't feel him move anymore. I ended up delivering him that night. He was 10 inches and 14 ounces. I could tell that he was going to have some blonde hair(his dad had blonde hair as a baby). He was so perfect...he just needed more time. I held him as he made attempts to move and breathe. I just wanted to breathe life into him. My midwife decided to come in as I was holding him to say she didn't think a preventative cerclage would've worked and that I should think about adopting. I thought the timing was horrible, but I was so much in shock that I didn't know what to say. Anyways...

We decided to bury him by his brother. DFCS was to help us with the expenses so the funeral home had to wait on their approval to bury Joshua. Finally, after two weeks, they called the funeral home with approval. So, we set up the burial to be the next day. I brought a gown up to the funeral home for him to be buried in, but the funeral director looked at me and said, "The baby I have is too big for this. This baby is at least 5 pounds." We met with the President of the hospital the next day, and it turns out that they switched my baby with someone else's. Joshua had been buried in a completely different city and state(Opelika, AL). Really?? My heart ached for this mom who thought she had some closure and had buried her baby. The next morning I received a call that the babies had been switched, so we were having the funeral the next morning. Finally, Joshua is buried by his brother.