Happy Angelversary, Matthew

We don't have any big plans for today because I really didn't know how I would feel today. It's been emotional so far. We're going to take some stuff to his grave and release one balloon since he's one.

Somebody showed me a neat site where you can virtually light candles.  So, I made a group for Matthew, and if you feel like lighting a candle in honor of his birthday today, you can click on the link: Matthew's Birthday

Here's my letter to him:


Dear Matthew James Phillips,

It's here: June 30th. This time last year, we were at the hospital trying to put off your arrival. It turned out to be one of the worst days of my life because I had to say goodbye to my first son.

I miss every moment that I had with you and all the moments we never experienced. We experienced so much together in those five precious months. From horrible morning sickness to strong kicks, we bonded. I remember all your "firsts." I remember the first time we saw you and heard your heartbeat, your first kick, the first time your daddy felt you kick, the first time we confirmed you were a boy at your 20 week ultrasound, and the first time I held you. Unfortunately, our meeting was not exactly a joyous occasion for me because I knew I had to let you go. Now, I'll never hear your first cry or laugh, see your first steps, hear your first words, drop you off at your first day of school, or anything else that I had envisioned for you. That's selfish of me to long for and grieve over because I know that you are in a better place. I know that you were warmly greeted by your cousins, Alexander, Damien, and Chloe; I know that you are watching over your little brother, Joshua, now.

In the short time that I had with you, you taught me to love unconditionally and protectively. You helped me realize that I wanted kids. You made me a mother, which is something I never thought I would be. You made me a stronger person, and I'm proud to be your mother. June 30th is a day to remember you and everything you did for me. It was the day you grew wings, and I'll never forget that. You will always be my first son.

Please continue to watch over us, sweetie. I miss you so much and look forward to the day that we're all together as a family. Happy Birthday, baby.

I love you with all my heart, Matthew.

-Always-

Your Mommy

 Matthew James Phillips

Born June 30, 2010
At 8:14 a.m.
He was 10 1/2 inches and 13.9 ounces