Mother's Day marks three months since we lost Joshua. Last year, I was pregnant with Matthew and talking about how I'd be celebrating Mother's Day with him the next year. Wrong. I don't really mind Mother's Day, but it'll probably be a little rough.
It seems so weird that I cling to dates like this. Months, due dates, real birthdays, random memories, etc. That's all that I really have left of my boys, though. Dates, memories, ultrasounds, and pictures. I'm sure you all understand. I find myself thinking about how many weeks pregnant I should be with Joshua right now(33 weeks). Another BLM, Becky, posted about wondering what it feels like to be that far along(7, 8, 9 months)...to go fullterm. I constantly wonder about that myself. I can't even be around someone that far along right now. It just makes me bitter...horrible, right?
I know that "dates" shouldn't be the focal point of my life, but as of now, they are all that I have.
You're not horrible for not wanting to be around pregnant women! I still haven't seen my friends baby because she's three weeks younger than Kristen should have been! And even though I shouldn't be preggo anymore, I still have a hard time with women who are pregnant, especially the women who are around 22 wks!!
ReplyDeleteI have such a hard time around pregnant women too, I'm happy for them but it's a reminder what I don't have.
ReplyDeleteI just love it when I am walking behind a women, who from the back doesn't appear pregnant, but then she turns and you get to see her huge baby belly-grrrr
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and your boys
Thanks, everyone! @sherri, I haven't even seen my sister-in-law's baby. He was born a few weeks after I lost Joshua. @ Jessica, it is definitely a reminder... @Becky, Oh yeah, I love that, too! Hopefully, it'll get easier to see that...
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